2025 Roundup
2025 has been a very interesting year for me. A lot of personal milestones. I have achieved a few things that I always said I would do by the time I am 25, which is fantastic - I did however turn 30 this year.
In January I had the absolute pleasure of being hired to be the personal chimneysweep of the Lord Mayor of Cardiff. However, a local wizard had enchanted the golden necklace he wears to allow him to read minds, and I was subsequently fired and promptly arrested for being a pervert.
photo credit: The Lord Mayor of Cardiff
After getting out of jail in February I took some time to develop a new hobby and learned orthopedic surgery, this was unfortunately not long lasting as I happened to be very bad at it, so I had to stand at the Hague for crimes that I do not feel were my fault.
photo credit: Susan Hague
March was a very comforting month for me where to keep warm I moved inside of a horse. The gentle loving embrace of the innards of a living and breathing animal brought me great comfort, this was not long lasting as due to complications with the procedure to put me into the horse it had to be put down about forty-five seconds after the operation was complete.
photo credit: Stephen Williams (the Horse’s husband.)
In April I turned 30 years old, to celebrate this I shot myself in the head, and have had a slight headache ever since.
photo credit: Anthony Glock
May was a nice month, some friends I made in the Hague clubbed together and got me a ticket to see my favourite band live - a travelling group of dogs that an evil man has stapled instruments to. It doesn’t sound much written down, but it’s really moving in person.
photo credit: unknown
June was a very chaotic month for me. I had a phone call from a man in the military and was quickly drafted to war as the man who had to go around and pick all of the bullet casings up. This was shortly lived as someone on the opposing side accidentally stabbed me fifteen times - as means of an apology I was allowed to go home early and by the time I was supposed to come back the war had been called off due to rain.
photo credit: James War
In July I spent a few months in London working on some of the machines they have there.
photo credit: H from Steps.
August was great, I took a show to the Edinburgh Fringe. It was an hour of new stand-up material I had spent many weeks crafting - unfortunately it was cancelled early. I had managed to lose five thousand pounds on just the first show and it was no longer financially viable to continue. The Pleasance has since told me you don’t need a lighting designer for every single fixture and not every joke needs a separate writer. It’s gatekeeping knowledge like this that makes the Fringe very inaccessible.
photo credit: Liz Truss
September was a really amazing month, after a brief chat with a man in an alley he taught me how to fly, and I spent some time soaring around the rooftops of Cardiff before being arrested when I accidentally flew too close to the Lord Mayor's house and got done for horrible impure thoughts.
photo credit: Giraffe
In Glocktober I got a job for a firearms manufacturer and officially got one of the month's names changed as part of a short-lived marketing ploy.
photo credit: Anthony Glock
November was a quiet month, I went on a brief holiday to the other side of my bedroom and sat there for a few weeks.
photo credit: me
In December I had a brief stint working in America as Ashanta - the philanthropic christmas offering from singer Ashanti - this was however short-lived as the Lord Mayor of Cardiff happened to be visiting and I am set to be put to death early next year.
photo credit: The Lord Mayor of Cardiff
